What if
by TooWeirdTooFunction
Summary: There were a lot of "what if's" in my life: What if my mom and dad had stayed together? What if my stepfather wasn't an abusive bastard? ...And Scott... Well, he was my biggest "what if" A/N You don't necessarily have to know the show to follow :) Features AJ Cook (JJ) from Criminal Minds
1. Chapter 1: The beginning

**Chapter 1**

**Story: **What if

**Show:** Higher Ground

**Author: **TooWeirdTooFunction

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There were a lot of "what if's" in my life: What if my mom and dad had stayed together? What if my stepfather wasn't an abusive bastard? What if I - just for once - could be normal? _Feel_ normal?

But I'm not. That is not my life.

I laid on the carpet, which was staged on the floor. My head was on his shoulder and I could feel his steady breath and warmth surround me. It was like an ecstasy, a haze, just to lie there with him.

_He_ was my biggest "what if".

If things had been different, it would have been a fairy tale I imagine; Me and him.

But things aren't different: I was still the damaged, guarded girl, keeping everybody in arm's length.

_Give as little as you can_ - that was a lesson I had learned early on. If given the chance, people would take and tear every little piece of you, only to throw you into a gutter, and I wasn't about to let that happen (again)!

It's not like I was afraid, or anything! But I knew that if I let him in I wouldn't stand chance. He would have my heart within seconds.

… and then life would happen, like it always did. My screwed up life, my past, would get in the way, just like always. And then my heart would be dropped from his hands, as if it was poison…

I guess it was poison - With everything that had happened in my life, I couldn't help wonder if it was me? If I was the one to blame? Spreading the poison around, that flowed through my heart and into my veins.

No, my heart definitely wasn't pure, or whole or happy, like a certain Juliette's. It was no wonder he had fallen for her. I couldn't help but wonder if they were getting back together now that we were over?

_Over?! _I had to laugh at that. We hadn't even had a chance to begin.

My heart was protected with barbed wire and trip wires. Pieces of it were missing leaving the edges sharp and rough, from the combat called life.

I had tried to fight my nature, tried to let him in, but it had ended before it had even started.

I couldn't be what he wanted, what he needed. And it wasn't fair to either of us.

Still, it felt damn good to lie here with him!

It was too good to be true - in the most literal sense! I could feel the rest of the Cliffhangers, our group, looking as us expectantly. Ezra seemed especially impatient to get the scene started. I could tell that, even with my eyes closed. But I didn't care. It just felt good to lie here. Even if it was staged. Even if it was a lie. This felt more real than anything else in my life.

Not that I would ever admit this to anyone.

I tried to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal anyway: My bar for "happiness" wasn't set very high.

I felt him beginning to move, and I couldn't help but squeeze my eyes a bit tighter together, hoping to hold on to this fantasy a bit longer.

It didn't help. It never did.

He sat up abruptly and began to put on his vest over his white t-shirt. He forced me to open my eyes and I was immediately met by a couple of dozen of eyes staring at us expectantly.

I quickly zoomed in on him, ignoring anyone else.

Our eyes met for a split second, and my lines flew right out the window. Damn his stupid green eyes for affecting me this way! What was I supposed to say again?

From the corner of my eye I saw Daisy, my best friend, mouth the word to me. Bless her!

I refocused on the scene, and let the word flow freely from my mouth:

"Where are you going?"

"The sirens-" he said while looking around "They're close".

"You're hearing things, it's just the wind" I said, yet he still refused to look me in the eye and his posture was tense. I couldn't help but wonder how much of this was acting, and how much of it reflected how he truly felt?

He couldn't still be mad at me, could he?! I should be mad at him: _He_ was the one who said he was done trying! _He_ was the one who said he no longer had anything – not at home, and not here! I just gave him his way out. He should be thanking me!

There was no way I was going to let him screw me over now, and let me be punished for his lack of focus. I had already cleaned enough pots and pans to last a lifetime, thank you very much!

"I gotta go" He said sourly, and began to make a move to get away.

"Don't!" I said almost desperately, while grapping on to his hand to keep him from fleeing. I cursed at myself from being so obvious, and just hoped the rest of the guy's just had thought I was really into the character.

"Don't go – not yet" I said as I pulled him closer once again. I could see him stiffen at our close proximity, and I couldn't help but send him a not so subtle "get-your-shit-together"- look.

I think he understood the message as he sent me a small smile - or at least he tried to – it came more across a grimace more than anything else.

I heard him take a small intake of breath, as if to compose himself, before he looked at me head on for the first time in the scene.

"I'll be back soon I promise" he said, squeezing my hand in the process. I looked down to see our hands still intertwined – I hadn't even noticed that I hadn't let go.

I looked at him again: "Then why do I have this God-awful feeling I'm never gonna see you again?"

He looked at me. Just looked at me, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. This scene was hitting just a little too close to home.

I could feel the tears starting to well up. I justified them, by telling myself that it was all just part of the scene.

"If I get caught here, I'm never gonna see you again" he looked truly distraught as he said this. His green eyes seemed to be boring into mine for answers.

Damn, that boy could act when he put his mind into it!

When he saw my reaction, a mischievous smirked seemed to threaten at the corner of his lips. That son of a bitch! He was just trying to mess with me?! Oh it was so on now.

_Bring it on Scott!_

The tears I had willed back from before, I now demanded to spring forward. As my blue eyes misted with tears, I put on my most innocent-looking face (I was just hoping I had one!). I went to sit in my knees closing our proximity even more, while stating:

"Our love – it will protect us"

He looked slightly taken aback for a second, as his eyes darted from my eyes to my lips. He quickly realized what I was doing though as his eyes slightly narrowed. In fact it seemed as though he leaned even closer, just to state the fact that he wasn't going to be the first to back down.

"They can't see us, we're safe" I stated as warmly as I could, but was acutely aware of the irony in the statement: Everybody was watching us! Even the two councilors of our group, had joined in now.

An intensity filled the room, as me and Scott starred each other down.

"We are" Scott said, and I wasn't sure if he was asking or telling this time.

Our breath mingled together which kept my mind from thinking too clearly.

"Do you know how much I think about you all the time?" I asked. Again I couldn't help but draw comparison to real life.

_If he only knew_.

"Me too. Every second of everyday"

He said it with such intensity, such honesty, that my blue eyes slightly widened in response. Could he really be telling the truth?

Nah, who was I kidding. Every girl in campus pretty much stood in line to get his attention.

As if on cue, I heard Juliette sigh longingly from the audience.

As if to prove a point, I raised my hand to the back of his neck, pulling him even closer. Our noses were practically touching by this point.

His warm skin seemed to burn through mine.

I stroked the back of his short, sandy-blonde hair, hoping to get a reaction from Juliette. Oh how I loved getting her all riled up!

To my surprise it was Scott I got a reaction from: I could have sworn I heard a small moan escape from the back of his throat.

I quirked up a questioning eyebrow in response, and was met with a pair of embarrassed green eyes. Luckily for him no one else seemed to have heard him. But I did.

This time it was my turn to smirk, because I knew I had won this round.

_Shelby 1, Scott 0!_

"Oh, I love you Bobby Joe!" I said, hoping the mischievous edge to my voice wasn't too obvious.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Story: What if**

**show: Higher Ground**

**Author: TooWeirdTooFunction**

**A/N:** _If you like the characters of the show, you can see the entire first series on youtube. It stars Aj Cook from Criminal minds - that's how i first discovered it._

_Anyways, this is a short one - but i'll upload more today. I hope to have this finished by the weekend =)_

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"Great job you guy's" Ezra said, after we finished the scene, sounding absolutely thrilled about it. He was like a kid in a candy store. His black curls were as unruly as ever, and a blatant smiled crossed his face. He was completely unaware of the tension there were between his two leading actors.

As soon as he had called scene, Scott had flet away from me, as if I had burned him. I guess it should have hurt me, but this time I could feel nothing but the growing smirk on my lips. I had so gotten under his skin! I would have to say the scene had been a success!

I could feel Daisy's questioning stare. Of course she would be the only one the notice the drama that had just unfolded on stage: The real life drama covered by the drama of the play. Oh the irony of life!

I shrugged my shoulders at her nonchalantly as I slumped down into the chair. I was acting as if it wasn't a big deal. That was my preferred way to act – I had perfected it thought the years – and I had it down to a tee. Yet Daisy just gave me a knowing look.

Sometimes it was eerie how easily she could read through all my layers and bullshit. No one had ever been able to do that.

To be fair though, no one had ever really cared enough to try.

Well, that's not entirely true; Peter and Sophie, the group councilors, had tried. Had cared. Scott had cared… The difference between them and Daisy was that she knew when to back off!

And _they_ didn't! They kept propping, and pushing, and picking apart every little piece of my behavior. They didn't get it. They didn't get that I wasn't used to that. No one had ever asked me how I felt, or what I thought, or what I wanted…. And all of the sudden everybody was in my face about it: Forcing me to feel, and tell them how I felt - Opening myself up for everyone to see.

I wasn't about to let that happen! I had spent too many years protecting myself, to leave myself so vulnerable and open like that.

I didn't know why they even pretended to care so much. I was just another messed up girl traveling in and out of their life's. Before they would know it, I would be out of there. I would be alone again. And they would finally be able to get rid of me.

It would be foolish to think it was be any more than that. Hah, like we would sleepovers and girl-talks when all of this was over?! What a joke.

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	3. Chapter 3, part 1

**Chapter 3, Part 1**

**Story: What if**

**show: Higher Ground**

**Author: TooWeirdTooFunction**

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This school/camp/prison or whatever you'd like to called it, were meant for the misfits of the world! You know; the drug users, the addicts, delinquents. Basically it was the place parents could ship away their kids – send them away from the society they couldn't get them to conform to!

You didn't get a choice in the matter - It was this place out in the woods in the middle of nowhere, or juvy. At this point I would actually prefer juvy. Not that I had gotten a choice in the matter… I never did.

It was like this place was designed to torture me with all of those "misfits" and the counselors who only wanted to talk about _feelings_, or wanted to take long hikes in the woods. As if that was supposed to help! Hah! They were so clueless. They said it was supposed to build character?! So far it had only caused blisters and broken bones! Seriously, this place was dangerous, it was not even funny.

Yes before this play, I had thought hiking in the woods was bad - But I hadn't expected this acting thing to be even tougher. It was all a nightmare really: Ezra was a total lunatic and perfectionist (not a good mix), Scott was sitting in the corner brooding (he was still kind of bitter that I was able to get under his skin the other day. That kind of made me smile though), the counselor Peter had come over and given me the talk about "committing" to the project, and that new kid, David, kept leering at me.

Yes, I would definitely take the physical exhaustion over the mental exhaustion any day.

Apparently everybody (except Daisy of course) had decided to blame me for the lack of talent in the cast.

I tried to zone again as Juliette tried to jab at me once again:

"You know you can at least try! Or is that too difficult for you?!"

"Yeah you could at least try" David mimicked innocently. I gave him a glare in return. He was the new kid at camp. He had issues too, like all of us. But he was outwardly sexual towards me. Well, I guess he was like that towards every female. But it was kind of freaking me out a bit. I tried my best to hide it and gave him a mere glare in return.

How could I be excited and committed about this whole project when I was _forced_ to do it in the first place?! The only reason I was doing this stupid play, was to avoid any more kitchen duty. Apparently I had an "attitude problem" and had to build up extra credit to avoid punishments.

I looked at Scott who briefly gave me a glare before avoiding eye contact again. I wondered why he had chosen to do this? He was probably forced to do it like me; A punishment for trying to run away again for the 10.000th time.

And they wondered why this play sucked?! They could not expect enthusiasm and passion about something you were forced to do. Besides I was not the only one who was having a "bad attitude" towards this – so why was everyone content on blaming me? And here's a thought: How about blaming the guy who only joined the play to feel the female cast up?!

David and I were supposed to do a scene together – and he played the guy my parents wanted me to be with. It's not like it was very complicated scene to play, but I knew that if he had the chance he would take full advantage of the scene and how close we were supposed to be. So every time we did the scene I made sure to stand far away from him, and back away from him as soon as he took a step forward, much to Ezra's frustration.

In the scene David's character was supposed to try and seduce me, before my Bobby Joe aka. Scott would come and save me.

It was so cliché and demeaning for women everywhere.

Ezra pulled me aside looking especially exasperated. His curls where even more unruly than before since had been running his hands through it continuously.

"Look Shelby. You are holding everything back. Why do you always have to make things so difficult?"

My eyes squinted together in a hateful glare. It really was "blame-Shelby-day".

"Listen _Freakin_'" I said in a snarl, making sure to use the nickname he hated "how about you talk to the guy who is trying to superglue his hands to my ass instead of blaming me!"

Ezra looked taken aback - Maybe by my tone or maybe at my accusation.

"David?" he asked, and I gave him a nod in agreement as I finally admitted my problem. I crossed my arms across my chest protectively.

"Look, he is _just_ doing what it says in the script"

"No, he is just _trying_ to do me!" I exclaimed angrily. But poor innocent Ezra just looked confused as to what I meant. Argh damn that virgin!

I really didn't want to elaborate the subject with Ezra. To be honest it had been kind of hard admitting out loud that it was hard for me to do the scene. Everybody was used to me being, what do you call it... _flirty_?! But that was different. When I did that _I_ was in control – not them. And now the tables were turned and I wasn't sure how to handle that.

"You know what, forget it. Let's just get this scene over with" I said giving up. It's not like hadn't experienced worse.

I cringed as memories tried to seep through my mental barriers. It was nothing like that I knew rationally. Besides David maybe creepy, but I knew he was just a horny teenage boy and not dangerous by any means.

I just had to suck it up.

I made my face as blank as possible, keeping my emotions in check. That particular expression I had perfected over the years. Like a stone wall, that not even an atomic bomb could crack. Trust me, they have tried!

I held my head high, and walked with determined strides out into the middle of the room where the scene would take place.

"Places everyone" I could hear Ezra shouting, as everyone shuffled into positions. Most of the other misfits situated themselves in the surrounding couches, ready to watch me fail yet again. Well, I was done with that! Screw them – if they wanted a show – I would give them one!

With my newfound determination, and my will not to let David get to me, I got myself ready. That creep wasn't going to get the best of me.

As if on cue David came into view, with that sly look upon his face. I sent him one last death glare before stepping into character.

_Deep breaths!_ I reminded myself. _And no mutilating my costar! No matter how badly you want to._

"QUIET EVERYONE!" Ezra shouted over everybody. I was starting to miss the old, quiet, shy guy he used to be before this play. Perhaps he was on drugs again? That would certainly explain his change of behavior. But then again, everyone in this hell hole is a little crazy to say the least!

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	4. Chapter 3, Part 2

**Chapter 3, Part 2**

**Story: ****_What if_**

**Show: ****_Higher Ground_**

**Author: ****_TooWeirdTooFunction_**

**_A/N: _**_The story looks the best if you set the format-/viewing settings to 2/3 of the screen (settings are in the left corner) =)_

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"I've been waiting for you" David said leering himself closer to me. God he was creepy. It was like he was made for this role. His dark eyes gleamed with mischief as he approached me. I just knew that he was going to try something… and worse, I knew that there was nothing I could do to stop it. Not unless I wanted to be on kitchen duty for the next three weeks.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"We are meant to be together" he said without missing a beat. "Our families see it, I see it. Why can't you?"

He almost sounded sincere, but all I wanted to do was roll my eyes at him. Actually, I wanted to punch him! But I dutifully went on, even as his hand crept itself closer to my face.

"I just can't" I answered as my face fell into a pained expression.

"It's because of him isn't it?!" he sneered. The hand that had previously cupped my cheek went to the back of my neck and pulled my blond hair.

I flinched.

Not because it hurt, but because I had promised myself never to be in such a position again. I would never let a man have the upper hand, not in any shape or form.

I tried to blink my contradicting feelings away. I knew this was fake. It was fake.

I tried to tame my thumping heart. _What was my line again?_

"GET AWAY FROM HER" a voice bellowed from behind me. David and I automatically jumped away from eachother.

Scott stormed in, and stood between us. He had sounded absolutely pissed off! His protective stance confused me; what the heck was he doing?! Was he trying to ruin the scene?

"You can not claim something that isn't yours" he answered in a much calmer fashion… And that's when I realized that it was all part of the scene. Of course, that would explain his "chivalry". I didn't even know we were rehearsing that today as well?

I looked to David who briefly looked taken aback, before settling into his character again.

"Neither does she belong to you" David sneered,

_"I don't belong to either of you!" _I wanted to shout, but I guess that didn't set in with this old fashioned tale. Hah, if two guys had been like that in real life I would have kicked them to the curb a long time ago.

"Her heart and soul belongs to me, just like my heart and soul belongs to her". The loving tone to his voice made me shiver.

David, or rather David's character, looked between the two of us. "Is it true? Have you sworn your heart to this man" he sounded so broken, I automatically took a step forward as if to console him. A strong arm held me back though: Scott's arm had snaked itself around my waist and held me tight. The gesture could have been conceived as sweet, but I knew better: He was just trying to keep my in check. Even in this "fantasy world" he did that. Hah, like it was his job to "protect" me?

I protect myself.

I was so frustrated with him that I couldn't even enjoy the warmth and nearness of his body.

"He has my love" I swore to the crowd, and put my arm around his waist as well. I looked up to catch his eyes. As soon as he looked down at me, I smiled sweetly at him… and then pinched his side really hard! I felt his whole body jerk at the force, and I felt an amused smile growing on my lips.

I looked to David and consciously avoided Scotts gaze. I was sure he was glaring at me!

"You will regret this! Both of you" David snarled at the happy couple, before storming off... toward the couch.

"…AND SCENE" Ezra shouted, and sounded absolutely thrilled. "Great you guy's. That was perfect!" he went on his little ramble, but all I could hear and feel was Scott's warmth besides me.

Why hadn't he let go yet?

I brazed myself to meet his gaze, but was surprise to see him smirking down at me. His eyes held something I couldn't quite deceiver.

My face was masked with confusion as I was about to ask him what he was doing – and that's when I felt his hands digging into my side. I automatically squirmed under his touch! I wanted to laugh, as his tickling fingers expertly moved around my familiar body. I damned him for knowing me so well! I knew I was going to pay for my little stunt!

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing and catching the others attention. I wasn't used to laughing. The sound often sounded foreign in my ears.

I turned towards him, and stood chest to chest with him as he continuously jabbed my sides. His eyes were gleaming with mirth as he watched me suffer.

"Stop it" I mouthed breathlessly, and surprisingly enough he did.

Then we just stood there looking at each other as I tried to catch my breath, my eyes shone with happiness. It was these moments with Scott I cherished the most; These simple, uncomplicated moments, where no thoughts of the past or future could mess it up. We were just being there in the moment.

"Shelby" he all but whispered, his voice lazed thick with emotion.

His hand gently caressed my arm, making me jump back as if he had hit me – not because it hurt, but because I had promised myself never to be in such a position again. I would never let a man have the upper hand. Not in any shape or form.

"Uhm, we should probably listen to what Ezra has to say" I awkwardly let out. I knew it was a lame cop out. Besides, when did I ever listen to what Ezra or anybody had to say?! But I just couldn't look into Scott's hurt eyes.

I heard him grunt in agreement as he stomped away and positioned himself in corner again, wearing an even bigger scowl than he had done earlier.

I sighed sadly. I wanted more than anything to be with him, but it would never end well. It never did.

"Let's take it from the top" I heard Ezra shout above the crowd._ That_ made me groan! No, you should definitely never listen to what Ezra has to say, I concluded!

"Oh and Scott? "I heard Ezra say while sending him a look. "Just David's and Shelby's scene this time, like planned?"

I scrounged my face in confusion. So Scott wasn't supposed to be in the scene?!

I too, sent him a questioning look that he only answered with a nonchalant shrug before staring back into space.

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	5. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

**Story: What if**

**Show: Higher Ground**

**Author: TooWeirdTooFunction**

**A/N: **WARNING _there's gonna be some faul language in these episodes! :P But I really wanted to catch Shelby's cynicism, and given her past I thought it appropriate. Anyways don't read to much in to it – it's just part of the character._

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_"Go out into the nature, it will be good for you"_ They say.

_"It cleanses the soul"_ They say

_I say_ they are full of crap!

They've said those lines so many times –like they're trying to brand it into our brains. Hah, more like they are trying to brainwash us into thinking this was a good idea!

I grumbled to myself as another tree branch hit me in the face. I swear those things had it in for me.

I looked around and saw every single one off the Cliffhangers struggling for breath, as we kept marching on. I shook my head in disbelief: How exactly was this hike going to help us? Help me?

Apparently it was all part of "nature-therapy" as our group counselor Peter would call it. Did you know a study has showed a direct link between your happiness and being out in nature? Yeah neither did I - and I didn't need to know! Who gives a f***? It was just an excuse to drill us, and make us climb up this mountain for no apparent reason!

Hell, there were even grizzly bears roaming around in these woods! So who was the genius who decided to throw a bunch of city kids into the middle of this, that's what I would like to know?!

I stomped my foot into the forest ground, wanting nothing more than to kick it right back. The trees, high and mighty, boxed us in like little ants.

I guess it could be considered beautiful: The leaves were green and rich, as the sun would cascade through them. Some would even call it majestic, I'm sure. But I could not appreciate any of this as I had to use all of my energy on pushing myself forward. I didn't know how long we've been out here? Two hours? Four? _Too _long, that was for sure!

I once again grumbled to myself.

_"it's supposed to help you build character" _

_"it's supposed to help you reflect"_

_"It's supposed to give you a sense of accomplishments"_

… Yeah right! And I suppose I should just believe all of that? Well I don't! But I do believe that the so called "geniuses" who have come up with this shit, haven't even had the strength to look up from their books. They obviously don't know the real world and the real problems in it – otherwise they would know that a little hike would fix nothing at all… not for people like me.

I guess this was just a part of being in Horizon high; you would have to hike and climb, and sweat for hours and hours without rest. Even if your muscles would ache and feet had blisters on blisters.

"Here let me help you" I heard Scott say yet again. He was yet another reason for my increased irritation: He was smothering me with his concern! I suppose most girls would consider his offer sweet… and it was... the first time! But this was the FIFTH time he had asked me! And now my patients were running thin. He was making me look weak in front of everyone!

"I'm fine" I said stubbornly, though I clearly wasn't: My lungs were burning, my breath was ragged, and beads of sweat continuously dripped from my overheated body. I damned my beloved cigarettes for ruining my lungs and contribute to this situation!

I looked around and saw that luckily the other's seemed exhausted as well… but they hadn't said anything either – and I sure as hell wasn't going to be the first one to break and ask for a rest! If I were to break before Princess Juliette?! I would die of embarrassment. That thought gave me the extra drive to push myself further:

This was a test of mind over body – and I was determent to win!

Wait?! Did that mean that I had actually gained some wisdom from this experience? Oh crap! I blame the lack of oxygen!

"Come on, just let me take your bag" An ever persistent Scott said. That was it! I was about to explode anyways, and Scott just gave a reason to!

"Why are you all up in my face?" I erupted angrily, as I stepped in front of him, jabbing my finger into his chest for added effect. I was vaguely aware that he didn't deserve this, but my frustration off the day had been building up, and he just kept nagging me so I just couldn't stop the words.

"I wanna help you. I'm worried about you" he said right back as if it was logical, his green eyes had widened a little at my sudden outburst. My expression softened for a second at his reasoning's, but my stealthy stubbornness soon returned: Since when had I turned into the kind of girl who needed help? I had managed on my own since I was 14! And he didn't even think I could handle carrying a bag pack?

I did not like being vulnerable… but I _hated _when other people saw me as vulnerable. As weak.

"Don't be, I can take care of myself" I huffed, with my arms crossed.

"But you don't have to – just quit being so damned stubborn, and give me your bag" He said as he tried to grab it.

"You quit being so stubborn and leave me alone" I said while yanking my bag back. His own irritation was now clear, and his anger began to flare up.

"Is everything okay over there?" Our raised voices had finally caught Peter's attention who trotted over to us. He had an eyebrow raised, and you could almost tell what he was thinking: _Not again!_

It had almost become a constant thing; me and Scott arguing. Even when we were together we fought, but at least then we would have some great make out sessions afterwards.

Sometimes I had wondered why he was even with me, why we put up with each other.

The thing I kept reminding myself was, that the one thing scarier than fighting, was not _caring_ enough to fight!

Besides I had always had a sneaky suspension that it turned Scott on in some way; That I wasn't the kind of person who just fell at his feet like most girls did.

No, we went head to head like equals.

… Except when he tried to baby me, like now!

"We're fine" I answered Peter, before Scott could intervene. He sent me an annoyed look in response, which Peter obviously took notice of:

"Scott, do you have something you want to add?"

I quietly shook my head at Scott, inwardly begging him not to embarrass my any further. I looked around and saw most of them were too busy catching their breath, and taking advantage of the short break, than to take notice of us.

"it's just…" Scott started, being very careful of his wording.

_Don't do it, don't do it!_

"… _some_ of us may need a rest"

_There! He did it!_ I let out an exasperated sigh. Why couldn't he just for once do what I wanted? He didn't name any names, but it was clear to whom he was referring. I glared at him in return.

"Really?!" Peter asked as his eyebrows flew up to the top of his hairline. "Does anyone here need a break?!" He shouted out to the group. It almost sounded like a challenge. Who were the weak?

Everyone quickly muttered no and dismissed the idea as if it was poison:

We were all fighters in our own ways and there was no way we were giving up or giving in.

Life had taught us to fight back. If you let your guard down for a mere second it could have fatal consequences.

"I thought so! Then let's go" Peter said, and I cursed the way he eloquently made his way through the trees once again.

I heard the others groan alongside with me, as we all started moving along once again. I blatantly ignored Scott as I walked forwards, but he wasn't gonna let me go that easy, and always kept a few steps behind me.

A few minutes later he heard him ask again:

"Are you sure I can't help you with your bag?"

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	6. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

**Story: What if**

**Show: Higher Ground**

**Author: TooWeirdTooFunction**

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Ezra's puking was the thing that eventually let us to a halt! It hadn't been more than 10 minutes after the Scott/bag incident, when I noticed Ezra slowly starting to fall behind. I had looked around and no one else had seemed to taken notice – so I slowed down as well, to see what he was up to.

When had I closed in on him, I could see his ash-white face. Yesh, he looked worse than me, with his clothes soaked with sweat. His eyes were wide and blank.

Suddenly he got this panicked expression - an expression I had seen many times when living on the streets: He was going to puke!

He had held a hand over his mouth, as if he tried to hold it in – but I knew it was useless. I had quickly rushed to him as he almost fell over at the sheer force of the vomit-volcano that was erupting from his mouth!

Now most girls would probably have fainted at the stench and look of vomit, but I didn't. It had a weird familiarity and de ja vu to it as I supported his weight, and he held onto me and a nearby tree. My free hand automatically made soothing circles on his back as he retched.

When living on the streets people were puking left and right: From alcohol, from drugs. You name it – they've done it.

People will do anything to escape the real world that was a lesson Iearned early on…

… Not that I could blame them. I was no better, and had tried a bit of this and that myself. Most of the time though, I was too busy taking care of Crystal, who had been my best friend on the streets. She was not much older than me, and had been through hell and back again. We just got each other, you know?

But she had a tendency to overdo it with… everything… as she tried so desperately to escape the real world - and someone had to keep an eye on her. I had tried to do just that - Not that had it helped. Not that _I _had helped. One night when I came home to our little crap apartment, I found her laying on the couch. Dead.

Just like that.

It hadn't mattered that I had cared. It hadn't mattered that I had tried to help.

She got her wish, and was finally able to escape the real world. Dead.

I guess that was the last time I really allowed myself to cry - to feel? – I wondered

"Gross!" I heard someone exclaim behind me, and Princess Juliette had brought me back to the real world. I wanted to roll my eyes at her juvenile behavior. If anyone should be used to puking, it should be her that bulimic bitch! I bit back my words, and tried to remember that she and I just came from two completely different worlds… okay, more like two completely different planets!

Her exclamation had caused the others to stare back at us. But to my surprise, they seemed to stare more at me, than Ezra who had finally stopped heaving beside me. I had frowned in confusion at their stares, until I realized I was still rubbing his back – a very un-Shelby thing to do. I quickly stopped and stepped away from him as soon I knew he had his footing.

"Yeah get it together _freakin'", _I added for good measure as I stomped away.

Instead Peter took my place besides Ezra: "What's wrong?" he asked him.

I wanted to roll my eyes at his question: Was he stupid?! It was obvious to everyone that he was over-exhausted and had pushed himself over his limits. Hell, most of us had!

Ezra looked around at all of us, obviously embarrassed, as his dark eyes darted around nervously.

"Well? What is it?" Peter asked again. His eyes cut him a challenging stare. Ezra sighed dejectedly, and stalled before finally admitting what most of us had been feeling for the past hour:

"I'm exhausted. I... I need a break" he finally admitted defeatedly as he shrunk in even further. Though I felt bad for him, I couldn't help but be a little glad that I wasn't the first one to crack.

We all waited anxiously for Peter's reaction, hoping that he wouldn't give us another drill about commitment and determination.

To our surprise though, he broke into a proud smile and padded Ezra on the back.

_What the heck?!_

"Well, done Ezra. Everyone can learn a thing or two from you" Peter said as he turned to face the rest of us, whose mouths had all turned agape in disbelief.

"Ezra here has committed to how he is feeling…"

"Yeah he committed to puking alright" I heard David snicker under his breath, as Peter continued:

"… and is brave enough to admit it out loud." He gave us all a meaningful look before carrying on:

"You are all so used to fighting; you've learned to ignore or push through what your feeling instead of dealing with it, and listening to what you truly need… like rest" he said winking at Ezra, who seemed to grow taller and taller with pride.

"The point is, the more you ignore your problems the bigger they will get, and the more they will weigh you down. It's time for you to stop fighting and start living"

My eyes automatically drifted to Scott as Peter's words resonated with me:

_It's time to stop fighting and start living._

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	7. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

**Story: What if**

**Show: Higher Ground**

**Author: TooWeirdTooFunction**

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Color was starting to return to Ezra's face, as he sat by the camp site. Everybody was busy setting up their tents, and prepare for a bonfire dinner.

The darkness had started to state its claim and slowly crept in. As did the cold – as a chilling wind had made its appearance.

I got a chill, and automatically pulled my jacket closer to my body, as I walked over to Ezra.

"Here" I said bluntly, and shoved a water bottle in his face as soon as I reached him.

"Thanks?" he first said questionably while looking up at me furrowed eyebrows, but then he proceeded to give me an almost knowing smile: "I always knew you had it in you…"

"What are you talking about?"

"You, being nice"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well, don't get used to it" I huffed.

"Wouldn't dream of it" he said quietly while sending me a warm secret smile that I couldn't help but return. He was alright him Ezra… when he wasn't psychotic! Or puking all over the place!

I sat down next to him on the log, and watched the others. As per usual my eyes automatically drifted to Scott who was starting the fire; he was messing around with Auggie, our local "gangsta". Despite his small frame he had been in a gang and made quite the reputation before being shipped of to Horizon high as well.

Scott on the other hand was kind of like me; he had been brooding most of the time when he first got here, and was very angry at everyone, including himself. But he had seemed to grow happier over time, and now he even laughed and goofed around?! He had already changed and evolved so much, where I on the other seemed stuck.

Looking at him and his sandy-blond-wavy-hair and his football physic, you would think he was like the stereotypical jock/heartbreaker – but he was so much more, so much more.

They laughed at something stupid, and I felt myself smile as well as I watched them. As I watched _him._

"He's crazy about you, you know" I heard Ezra say from besides me, as he took a small sip of water.

"Huh?" I answered back paying only half attention, as I kept my eyes on Scott.

"Scott. He really likes you"

This statement made me meet Ezra's eyes; he seemed completely sincere. I contemplated telling him to mind his own damn business! But something stopped me. Instead I sighed, and looked back at Scott; he and Auggie had just gotten the fire started, and the warm orange/yellow colors flickered on his features, making him even more handsome.

I guess it wasn't too surprised hearing Ezra's words; deep down I knew Scott still liked me, just like I still liked him… the question that kept nagging me though, was _why?_

Why In the world would, and could, he like someone like me?

I could offer him nothing but a lifetime of regrets and mistakes.

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After dinner we were all pretty much beat, and called it a night. Every muscle in my body hummed with exhaustion; Tomorrow I was bound to feel the pain.

I stretched and heard my bones crack at the strain! My hand rubbed my neck tiredly, as my feet carried me to my tent.

Dinner had actually been pretty nice; we all sat around the crackling fire and ate. The warmth of the fire was a delighted contrast to the cold that had settle along side the dark. Peter had made us sing a few camp song – which was completely juvenile!... but oddly fun I had to admit, as every single one off us were singing off key. Even broody Scott had sung along loudly - grinning happily at me as he did so.

I had felt oddly at peace, as I observed them all laughing so lightheartedly. After everything, they were still able to do that. It felt oddly normal. It felt oddly right.

Who knows maybe this place could really make a difference?

I felt myself yawn, as I stepped into my tent; I could no longer suppress the fatigue that had claimed my body.

I stripped myself down, and stepped into my pajama bottom and tank top; I don't think I've ever been that quick to get dressed! Damn it was cold! I practically jumped down my sleeping bag to escape getting frost bites! That too, was a mistake though – as the sleeping bag was just as cold from laying in the tent.

There was nothing I could do but wait for it to heat up, and I was pretty much hating life while doing so.

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	8. Chapter 7: The End (or the beginning!)

**CHAPTER 7**

**Story: What if**

**Show: Higher Ground**

**Author: TooWeirdTooFunction**

**A/N: **_Last episode you Guys! Hope you've enjoyed it. I've really enjoyd writing it (though it's been a pain at times!). I really liked the character of Shelby from the TV-show - and i hope i have done her and the show Justice :)_

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I don't know how long I had been laying there - but it felt like forever - and rest had still eluded me. I was tired but no peace would come to me. Probably because me teeth couldn't stop chattering!

Just for once couldn't I get a decent nights sleep?! Or was that too much to ask for?!

My growing irritation didn't exactly help me in my quest for sleep. That stupid cold! Stupid weather! How in the world could it be absolutely excruciatingly hot at day, and absolutely freezing at night?! The Gods were probably laughing at us from the sky; Another reminder that we had no control over _anything._

I tried snuggling even further down the sleeping back, trying so desperately obtain what little heat I could produce.

_This was going to be a long night!_

Minutes later I heard something rustling outside my tent; What was that? My heart started to beat a little faster with fright! With my luck it was most likely a grizzly bear!

_Damn those idiots for putting us out here!_

I put myself up on my elbows and held my breath. Seconds ticked by as if they were hours, and the rustling came closer.

Then, it was right outside my tent!

I prepared for the worst, like I usually did…. But was surprised when I discovered a disheveled looking Scott zip-opening my tent, and walked in.

His sandy curls were unruly and his green eyes were heavy with exhaustion. My brows frowned in confusion, as my mouth automatically asked what I was wondering:

"What do you think you're doing?"

He didn't answer me. Instead he just automatically started walking over to me, opened my sleeping bag and crawled in, before I even had a chance to object. I felt my body stiffened at his proximity.

"Scott?" I asked once again – not sure what he was after.

"Just shut up" He mumbled, his voice already lazed with sleep as he snuggled himself closer to me while sprawling the sleeping bag over us both. "Just for once, shut up".

He kissed my cheek, yawned, and closed his eyes just like that.

I was about to argue, but his warmth soon enveloped me like a warm blanket, leaving my objections a faint memory. I could finally feel that warmth and peace I'd so desperately been craving

This time I didn't have the energy to fight him. He just felt so good. I sighed contently despite myself as I relaxed into his embrace.

Besides only together could we fight the cold, I rationalized, trying not to be a big deal about it.

His steady breath slowly started to lull me to sleep. He felt so good. This felt so good. But my mind just refused to completely shut down as I realized this: this was a dangerous territory to step into. What did this mean? Did this mean that I needed him? Did this mean that he needed me? What did he expect from this?

I had so little to give and too offer him; so much of myself had been ripped away over the years. I had been tarnished.

… But laying here with him, almost made me forget all of that. For the first time in... well as long as I can remember… I felt safe.

As if he could hear me trail of hectic thoughts, he gave me a gentle squeeze and grunted unhappily. I had to suppress a smile as I watched the almost childish pout that covered his face; Even in his sleep he had to argue with me. If he had been awake I knew what he would have said: _Just stop it. Whatever you're thinking, just stop._

It was a solid advice... that I probably would have fought anyways. But here's the thing with Scott: He almost NEVER does what I want (which is completely frustrating)!

But instead he seems to always know what I need.

… And this time I didn't want to fight him. I sighed contently as I allowed myself to surrender to his embrace. I laid my head on his shoulder, and was almost sure I could feel him smile in satisfactory. And I couldn't help but smile back.

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Yes, there has always been lot of "what if's" in my life: What if my mom and dad had stayed together? What if my stepfather wasn't an abusive bastard? What if I - just for once - could be normal? _Feel _normal?

But I'm not. That is not my life.

As my head was on his shoulder, I could feel his steady breath and warmth surround me. It was like an ecstasy, a haze, just to lie there with him.

He was my biggest "what if".

Could I really let him in? Could I really fight what had become my nature?

I honestly didn't know… Still, it felt damn good to lie here with him!

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